How to Do a Pre-Summer Identity Check-In (And Actually Act on What You Find)

The woman you were in January is not the woman entering summer. It is worth knowing who is.

A pre-summer identity check-in is not a vision board exercise. It is an honest conversation with yourself about who you have been operating as, who you actually are, and who you want to become in the next season. This post walks you through the full practice with specific prompts, real talk, and an action plan for what to do with what you find.

There is a version of you that you perform for the world.

The competent one. The together one. The one who has it mostly figured out and handles things and shows up and never quite lets anyone see the underneath.

And then there is the actual you. The one who knows exactly which parts of her life feel genuine and which parts feel like an act she has been maintaining for so long she has forgotten it was ever optional. The one who has a clearer sense of what she wants than she lets on. The one who is in the middle of becoming someone and is not entirely sure yet who that someone is.

The pre-summer identity check-in is not about who you want to become. It is about getting honest with who you already are — and deciding which parts of that you are taking into the next season.

Summer is one of the best times to do this. The season itself creates natural permission to shift. The longer days, the different pace, the sense of possibility that comes with warmth. Summer is psychologically receptive to change in a way that January never quite is.

This is the practice. Let’s go slowly.

1 | Who Have You Been Operating As?

Not who you are. Who you have been operating as.

There is a version of you that developed over time in response to what was required of you. By your relationships. By your work. By the circumstances of your life. She is capable and she has served you. She is also not the whole of you.

Think about the role you most often find yourself in. The caretaker. The achiever. The responsible one. The one who manages things. The one who never needs anything. The peacekeeper. The one who handles it.

THE OPERATING IDENTITY AUDIT Complete these sentences: ‘Most people in my life see me as: ___ ”The role I play most consistently is: ___ ”The version of myself I most often suppress is: ___ ”If I am being honest, I have been performing ___ because it is safer than ___’

There are no wrong answers. This is just honesty. And honesty is the beginning of everything.

WHY THIS WORKS Identity research shows that most adults operate from what psychologists call the ‘social self’. The version of themselves adapted to meet perceived external expectations, more than from their ‘authentic self.’ The check-in is an exercise in returning to the authentic self, even briefly.

2 | What Are You Done With?

This is the question that gets easier the more honest you are willing to be.

What are you done with? Not what should you be done with. Not what would be impressive to be done with. What are you actually, genuinely, at your core, done with?

A way of talking about yourself. A relationship that has been running on fumes. A version of your own behavior that you know is not your best. A standard you have been holding yourself to that someone else set. A story about who you are that stopped being true a while ago.

Done is not dramatic. Done is quiet. Done sounds like: I am choosing, right now, to no longer let this be true of me. And then you stop letting it be true.

Name what you are done with. Write it down. This act, the naming is itself a form of release.

3 | What Parts of Yourself Have You Been Leaving Behind?

In the process of becoming who you are to everyone else, which parts of yourself have you quietly left behind?

The creative one. The playful one. The one who had strong opinions about what she liked and what she did not. The one who knew how to be alone without being lonely. The one who was not afraid to want things out loud. The one who laughed more. The one who was less careful.

THE LOST PARTS INVENTORY Who were you before you got so busy? What did you love before you optimized yourself out of it? What would you do if you were not trying to be practical? What version of yourself would you go back and rescue if you could?

This is not about nostalgia. You are not trying to go back. You are trying to bring forward the parts that got left behind, because they still belong to you. They did not disappear. They are waiting.

4 | Who Are You Becoming?

Not who you want to become someday. Who are you in the process of becoming right now, whether you have been conscious of it or not?

Because you are always becoming someone. The question is whether you are doing it intentionally or just letting the momentum of your circumstances carry you wherever it goes.

Look at your choices over the last six months. Your habits. Your attention. What you have been reading and watching and talking about. What you have been drawn to. What you have been quietly practicing.

You are always becoming someone. The only question is whether you are the one deciding who.

THE BECOMING MAP The version of myself I am becoming this year is someone who: ___ The habits and choices that are building her are: ___ The habits and choices that are working against her are: ___ The thing she most needs me to do in this next season is: ___

5 | What Does This Version of You Need From Summer?

Now that you know who you have been operating as, what you are done with, what you have left behind, and who you are becoming. What does this version of you need from the next three months?

Not what does the performed version need. Not what does the responsible, managing, handling-it version need. The actual you, the one you just got honest with, what does she need from this summer?

THE SUMMER SELF BRIEF She needs: ___ She wants more of: ___ She wants less of: ___ The thing she has been waiting for permission to do is: ___ The permission she needs is: ___ (and you get to give it to her)

6 | The One Actual Thing You Are Going to Do About It

This is the part most check-ins skip. The reflection without the action. The awareness without the change.

From everything you have just uncovered, one thing. One actual, specific, this-week thing you are going to do in response to what you found.

Not a life overhaul. Not a vision board. One thing that the woman you are becoming would do that the woman you have been operating as would not.

YOUR ONE ACTUAL THING The one specific thing I am going to do this week in response to this check-in is: ___ I will do it on: ___ I will know I have done it when: ___ The person I am becoming will thank me for it because: ___

This is the whole practice. The reflection, the honesty, the one action. You do not need to change everything. You just need to change something. Something specific. Something real. Something this week.

You are not trying to become unrecognizable. You are trying to become undeniable. To yourself, first. Then to everyone else.

QUICK RECAP

→ The identity check-in is about who you have been operating as versus who you actually are

→ Name what you are done with — the act of naming it is itself a form of release

→ Identify the parts of yourself you have left behind — they are still yours, they are waiting

→ Map who you are becoming by looking at your choices, habits, and attention

→ Ask the actual you what she needs from summer — not the performed version

→ Do one specific, real thing this week in response to what you found

ONE MORE THING

If this check-in revealed a specific layer of your life that needs the most work this summer, whether that is your identity, your routines, your energy, or something else. The free Soft Girl Reset Kit™ will give you your specific starting point in under 10 minutes. Four questions. Instant results. Completely free.

Save this to your Pinterest board and come back whenever you need it.

Dear Soft Girl ♥  dearsoftgirl.com